I try to think of the positives my disability brings as well as the negatives. There are some. Honest. Today I heard my youngest little one muttering to herself as she climbed up a particularly difficult part of the playground. She was holding onto a rope, whilst climbing up a steep slope, using half-logs to support herself. These logs were a fair distance apart for a little pair of 2-year-old legs and probably designed for a child closer to 5 (at least) than 2. She was staring, determined to find a way up, muttering ‘I got this’ over and over. It was the best thing I’d heard all day.
I feel the need to step back now and give a bit of background on this situation. We were at the park in the sunshine: something we don’t get to do often, and not just because of the rubbish English weather! I rarely have enough energy or mobility to be able to get there, even though it is right at the end of our road. It is a difficult walk along the path to the gate and the children have to be patient while I do it. The effort of getting there means that I just have to sit on the bench in the playground and can’t really play with them. I do what I can, pretending and talking with them, sending them off on errands around the park to fetch imaginary picnics and get imaginary bad guys, but I can’t put them on the swing or chase them like I always did before. Despite this, I was so glad to be there in the sun with them today and loved every minute of watching them play.
The reason my littlest one’s mutterings resonated with me today more than anything is that she had heard it from me. When I’m struggling, I say that to myself to help me keep going. When someone offers help but I feel I can cope independently, I now say ‘I got it’. Children often pick up on little phrases or words that parents say frequently and I know I have been saying this more recently because I spend most of my time ‘coping’ now. She could have asked for help, or complained that it was impossible, but no: she said ‘I got this’. She has learned how to try hard when things are difficult and how to solve problems she encounters, and she has learned this from watching me. If I could choose characteristics to pass on to my children, perseverance and determination in the face of difficulty would be pretty near the top of the list.
I thought about this a bit more and realised I have heard my eldest daughter say this phrase a few times recently too and it occurred to me that perhaps this situation has given me a golden opportunity to teach my children a really important life lesson. It also reminded me that I must be coping fairly well if that is the message my children are holding on to, even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes!
paininthemum 